Puberty can be an alarming time for boys – many changes are taking place, not only in his body but in his mind and emotions too.
Talking to boys about puberty
Communication is paramount. Girls tend to get through puberty with less acute embarrassment than boys because mums tend to sit down with their daughters and talk them through each step, whereas boys are more likely to be expected to find out for themselves. The best person to talk to boys is their father or male carer, but unfortunately many dads aren’t too good at this type of discussion; they tend to resort to grunts, winks and teasing, trusting that everything will come out at school. It probably will – but the boy will feel a lot better if he’s not the one who hasn’t a clue what everyone’s talking about.
So if dad’s not too communicative on the subject, mum or the female carer needs to pick up the mantle. All that’s needed is to sit him down, gently and matter-of-factly run through the changes that will happen to his body; then give him a good book, such as Living With a Willy (Macmillan Children's Books, 2010) by Nick Fisher (or show him a good website, such as The Hormone Factory) so that he can check things out whenever he wants without having to ask an adult if he’s too embarrassed.
What boys need to know about puberty
- Voice changes: As the voice box grows, there may be a few squeaks and cracks, but it will soon settle down into its permanent, deeper tone.
- Acne: His skin and hair become more oily, often clogging up pores and causing spots.
- Sex: Don’t leave this to school; they may give technical facts but leave out the all-important emotional aspect. Children find the concept of sex revolting at first (I remember it well!) so it’s important to reassure them that at the right time and with the right person, it’s a loving, enjoyable act.
- Enlargement of genitals: The penis, testicles and scrotum grow bigger in preparation to produce sperm.
- Erections and wet dreams: Reassure him that these are perfectly normal.
- Body hair may appear on his chest, under the arms and around the penis and grow more thickly on arms and legs. A look at his male relatives may be some indication of how much body hair to expect.
- Possible swelling of breasts: This can be alarming, so again reassurance is needed that this is just due to hormonal changes and will disappear within a few months.
Changes in boys’ behaviour during puberty
As so much is happening to him as his body starts turning him into an adult, it’s not surprising that his behaviour changes too:
- He may want to spend more time with his friends rather than family.
- His behaviour will probably fluctuate; sometimes he’ll appear very independent; at other times he’ll seem more clingy and uncertain and need hugs in abundance.
- He’ll start to think more independently, which will include disagreeing with his parents and carers, often quite forcefully!
- He may start to become embarrassed around girls, particularly ones he finds attractive!
- Look out for signs of anxiety or sadness; try to be there for him, reassure him and be patient if he’s gets irritable.
Looking after an pre-adolescent boy can feel like walking through a minefield but making the effort to steer him safely and lovingly into adulthood will reap the ultimate reward – a grown-up son to be proud of!
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